Note: The Gazette apologizes for previously posting an unedited version of this column.

MONTREAL - &&&&&&&& here they are, folks, the Top 10 Reasons You Watched The NHL All-Star Game – But Didn’t Admit It To Your Friends:

10. You hoped the Canadiens would announce that Pierre Gauthier had been fired and replaced by Youppi!

9. Told the wife it’s the most important game of the season, so you wouldn’t have to clean the basement.

8. It was either that or yet another re-run of “Sex Change Hospital.”

7. Hoped someone would hit Tim Thomas in the goonies with a 100-mph slapshot.

6. Thought Alexander Ovechkin was going to play.

5. Someone said the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders were performing at halftime.

4. Wanted to see if the point total would top the NBA All-Star game.

3. Thought game would decide which conference gets home ice for the Stanley Cup final.

2. Grudge match in the steel cage: Zdeno Chara vs. Gary Bettman.

1. It was the most exciting thing that has happened in Ottawa in the past 25 years.

&&&& this week, bagels & grits, your Monday Morning Quarterback is delighted to report the best news on the concussion front in years:

It’s unlikely that Bruins goalie Tim Thomas will suffer a concussion – because the Boston chowderhead has nothing between the ears but industrial-grade gravel.

Thomas’s decision to skip a team visit to the White House because he buys the garbage pumped out by Glenn Beck and his ilk was bad enough. But then, having pulled a highly public stunt to call attention to his whacko politics, Thomas blamed the media for paying attention.

Look, if this cretin wants to stand outside the White House and spew his drivel, that’s free speech. But standing up the president? All that does is show that Thomas has the class of a swamp-rat.

At least he accomplished one thing: Thomas earned himself a lifetime membership in the MMQB’s zeros section, right next to Jeffrey Loria and David Samson. I hope Tuukka Rask starts every game the rest of the way.

Stick with Pernell Karl: Look, just ‘cuz we said Pernell Karl Subban needs to wake up doesn’t mean we want to see the guy on the next Greyhound Bus out of town.

My great and good friend François Gagnon is as fine a hockey reporter as you will find – but he’s out of his ever-loving mind when he says Subban should be traded. Like it or not, the Canadiens need elite players to make it to the next level – and on the current roster, they have exactly two with that potential: Subban and Carey Price.

Trade Subban and it will be another of those read 'em and weep stories about young Canadiens defenceman shipped out of town before they were allowed to ripen: Éric Desjardins, Mathieu Schneider, Ron Hainsey, Ryan McDonagh, Stéphane Robidas – and some guy named Chris Chelios.

The seventh man, er, woman: Several years ago, a very good Detroit Red Wings team came to town and got pasted by a pretty bad Montreal Canadiens team. Last week, the same thing happened, a hard-to-believe 7-2 pasting laid on the Red Wings by the lowly Habs.

The first time, we speculated that the Chez Parée factor was at work. Or maybe the Wanda Bar factor. Once again, when a team as good as the Red Wings takes an embarrassing pratfall, you have to wonder: was it horrific goaltending on the part of All-Star Jimmy Howard, the David Desharnais line going for the Habs – or the lovely Chanel from Chicoutimi?

You read it here first: We spent some time scrutinizing the remaining schedule for the Canadiens. The schedule is soft and this team is better with Rene Bourque and without Michael Cammalleri. The result? The Habs should pick up 37 points in their remaining 33 games, which would leave them with 84 – still about 10 points short of a playoff spot.

Lies, rumours &&&& vicious innuendo: These days, television sportscape is wall-to-wall with non-events. The Trade Deadline. The NHL Draft. But the most achingly painful to watch has to be the NHL Fantasy Draft. At least the Sedin brothers had the decency to look mightily embarrassed by the whole thing ...

Slow week in sports, maybe? TSN’s website carried a piece projecting the Team Canada roster for the 2014 Olympics. …

Terrific match between Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal Down Under and yes, Djokovic is a great player. But we can’t warm to the guy. As for Victoria Azarenka and Maria Sharapova? C’mon, tennis folk. It’s time to stop the scream-fest. …

Super Bowl final: Giants 24, Patriots 20. Now you can go to a movie Sunday eve and save yourself the trouble of watching a boring defensive struggle.

Heroes: Christine Nesbitt, Patrick Chan (because we forgot him last week), Victoria Azarenka, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Ivan Lendl, Paul MacLean, Eric Karlsson, Barack Obama, Camila Vallejo, Ana Ivanovic &&&& last but not least, Canada’s women’s soccer team, which will give us something to watch at the Olympic Games.

Zeros: Tim Thomas, Tim Thomas, Tim Thomas, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Don Cherry, Rob Kevin O’Reilly, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, Michelle Bachman, Alexander Ovechkin, Tiger Woods, Phil Knight, Rob Lowe, Jim Irsay, Jeffrey Loria, David Samson, Pierre Gauthier &&&&& last but not least, Tim Thomas.

jacktodd46@yahoo.com